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Things you should never say to single people
(especially if you're happily married)

A humorous look at some of the clichéd phrases we single people have to put up with, and some amusing retorts.

It happens when you're not looking

Really? I didn't sit back and wait for my career to find me; I didn't sit back and wait for my car to find me so why would I sit passively by and wait for my partner to find me? And you must admit, actually getting out and meeting other single people will greatly increase the odds of finding "the one" right?

There are plenty of fish in the sea

Aside from being an awful cliché, I don't care how many fish there are in the sea, I care how many single handsome men are beating down my door…

So, why are you single?

Um, if I knew that, don't you think I'd do something to change it? The fact is there is probably no one reason but the most likely is that I just haven't met the right one. Yet.

You're too picky

That may be true but I feel as if I'm being criticised for having standards. It's not as if I make potential boyfriends sit a MENSA test. Conversely I won't be settling for a man whose favourite outfit is a shell suit. If we're talking about a long-term relationship, there's no point settling for someone who isn't right.

Have you tried online dating?

Oh yes. It's quick, it's cheap, it's easy and it doesn't work!

Well, when my boyfriend and I first got together…

Oh, how we singletons love being regaled with tales of your glory days…

When the time is right, you will meet someone

I really hope that's true, but I'd be a lot happier if fate/god/destiny would let me in on the plan. I'd just like to know if I should be saving for a wedding in my 30's or in my 60's. It's not a lot to ask, is it?

Wow, I wish I were single and in your shoes!

Really? Because I'm pretty sure that two simple words would accomplish that for you. Just say "You're dumped" and yippee, we can be single together.

It will happen when you least expect it

Now how many times have we heard that one…

Some guy is going to come along and ruin your career/life plans

If you really think so little of me that I would chose a partner whose sole intention is to ruin my life and career plans, you don't think very much of me, do you?

But you're so pretty! Why don't you have a boyfriend?

Maybe because I'm really bad in bed?

My husband rescues kittens from trees, volunteers as a mentor for troubled teens, brings me fresh flowers every day and cooks lavish three course dinners on the weekend, but does he have to spend every Saturday afternoon watching football?

And it never occurred to you to maybe go out with friends while he's watching the game? But seriously, if he really is that terrible, why not let me have a shot at him?

The point here is, whether you're in a relationship or not, bland clichés are something we've heard dozens of times before. And if people don't have anything original or helpful to say, wouldn't it be so much less embarrassing for us if they said nothing at all?  



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